A bad haircut. I got a bad haircut and it's killing me on the inside.
I can understand that a haircut is nothing to truly get upset over, 'It grows back' they say, 'I'm sure it will look fine' they console, 'It's just hair' they proclaim.
The problem is a bad haircut represents a much bigger issue. I am a person who incredibly vain about my hair. I don't need anyone to compliment me, I don't need to having a stunning effect that stops people in the street and causes them to stare at me. At the end of the day I don't really care what you think, but I care what I think. It makes me feel good when my hair is falling ever so perfectly in place, yet still has a few wild strands shooting out like water from a leaky hose. It gives me that little extra bit of confidence that allows me to walk around all day with my back strait and chest puffed out ever so slightly. It shows me I give a shit, I take pride in the effort I put in.
So I care about my hair, there is no longer need to argue if the amount I care is warranted, I made the decision that I want to care. The problem with this bad hair cut, is that I brought it upon myself through poor judgement. I went to get it cut at a place where it has been done poorly before, so I know that I can't trust them with my hair, and I paid the price. I went because it was quick, easy, and cheap. That's the root of the issue, I took something I cared about and willingly allowed it to be mismanaged.
Let's forget hair for the time being and deal with the core issue here. I failed myself because I made a choice to not deal with my life properly. I sit here and write a lot about standing on your own two feet, but I failed in following my own advice. That's why I am so upset. I am a big enough person that I can admit my own shortcomings, something that took a long time to do, but I can admit it. It's my own damn fault for letting this happen to me. I am taking this moment to admit that I am not perfect so that maybe you can listen to what I have to say without criticizing me while I say it.
This whole talk about haircuts really boils down to the issue of 'whose fault' anything is. There are many people in my own life, and surely yours who constantly find ways to blame outside forces for all of the problems in their life. This mindset has become common place, and is even a train of logic used by our own government. (Don't worry, I don't have the energy to get overly political, I'll move on in a moment.) When you hear terms like the 'War on Drugs' and 'War on Terror', we are personifying things that don't actually have any control over their actions. Drugs are just drugs, Terror is just Terror. It doesn't have a face, it doesn't have a mind, it can't make choices on it's own to make an appearance in your life. These 'things' that we declare war on are simply things, but using them as a scapegoat is an easy way to direct your anger without actually having to deal with a real problem.
The problem is people. People are the only ones who have any sort of control in the chaos of the universe that we live in. Even animals run enough on instinct that you really can't blame a bear for being a bear. There is a polarity in this concept though, because in the same way that a person can choose to ruin your day, or in my case can choose to be an incompetent practitioner of their craft and give you a shitty haircut, you have the ability to control as much of your life as you are willing to take control of.
That control all comes from a central core of knowing who you are, knowing what you want out of life, and being willing to have a lot of people tell you that you are wrong. Standing on your own two feet scares people, making choices for yourself reminds them that they aren't doing that themselves, and most of the time those people don't actually want to. The bright side is when you can bring yourself to really dig in and lead your life the way you want to, the others who do the same will identify with you and support you in your choice.
You have to be ready to admit that when someone lets you down, it's partially your own fault. It isn't very often that someone will truly surprise you in the way that they 'fail' you, or 'fail' themselves. You control the people you surround yourself with, so it is by your choice whether or not you choose to surround yourself with people who you believe will ever be capable of failing you. That's not to say you can't have friends who flounder a little bit, but you have to be aware of this part of their personality.
You have to take care of yourself first and foremost, because no one else will. Why should they? We are a race of competitive murderers who learn to be compassionate about others. It's not an inherent skill. Left to our instincts, humans would destroy the weak and fornicate with the powerful. Even when we fall in love it is with someone who we identify to be a strong member of our species, proven by our own personal criteria.
Now I've had this discussion with people before and I get slammed with the response of 'Sounds like victim blame'. So it does, but nothing in life isn't as simple as that. I am not saying that outside forces are not at fault for their actions, and that a person can control every possible thing that will happen to them. Sometimes really, really bad shit happens to people who don't deserve it. But what good does it do to spend the rest of your days feeling pissed off at the world, blaming it for the bad things that happen to you? Do you really want to be willing to give up even trying at being in control because bad shit might still happen? That's your choice. My choice is to pick myself back up again. I probably won't forgive the person or people who do bad shit to me, but I am not going to let their selfish actions control the rest of my life. I am only going to forgive someone if they fully realized the error of their ways, or if either their life philosophy or world understanding prevents them from even being capable of realizing they did something wrong. I can't blame someone for being too stupid to understand what they are doing is wrong, because the entire concept of 'wrong' is being decided by my perspective.
You have to do everything in your power to make whatever situation you find yourself in better before you can just go blaming someone else, and you need to make the best possible choices as you move forward every day in making sure your life is either staying how you want it, or moving towards where you want it to be. That burden is on you and you alone. If this concept scares you, realize that people will help you...but help does not mean 'do it for you'. If they did it for you, you could just blame them for doing it wrong afterward. Don't take the scapegoat. Take control.
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