No Expectations

During a time in my life that involved much self growth and discovery, I befriended a group of Wiccans in California. One of them in particular I spent a lot of time with, either just hanging out, working on 'magical' practices, but the most impactful of the time we spent together was being able to benefit from her thinking in the ways of philosophy. She had not lived an easy life, an antithesis of sheltered. At the time I didn't fully comprehend the extent as to which the world had challenged her, but as the details trickled out through her own blog posts over the years after which we spent our time together, it was made blazingly apparent how truly she believed in the words she spoke, and the steel they were tempered with. As my quest for personal evolution has been kicked into full drive again, I felt it would be a nice time to reconnect with her, share the wisdom and experiences I had encountered, and mostly just to thank her for giving me a perspective I was allowed to use as I moved forward in my own life. Sadly, I am not going to get a chance to even say a simple thank you. I found out through trying to track her down that she recently took her own life, so my thank you will have to come in the form of helping to spread her positive message.

I have found through my 'travels' that whenever I meet anyone who I would consider to be an evolved human, they always have a certain 'catch phrase' that serves as a self affirmation of the way they live their life. Things such as: The concept of "Being a Person", the analyzation of "Want vs. Need", 'Walking Your Own Path", "Polarity", or "Having Your Own Story". All simple phrases that represent a massive book of personal philosophy, but serve as a fortune cookie kind of reminder for the bigger concept. Today I will focus on her mantra, "No Expectations".

The knee jerk reaction with all of these advanced philosophies towards life is to reject them outright, we want to believe we live in a magical world where no one will ever let us down, and that good things will happen to good people. As a base level human we all believe in some form of Kharma, be it through a religious based structure, or something that is developed personally. We all like to believe that as long as we are good people, good things will come back to us. Where this concept isn't completely untrue, it isn't as neat and simple as the little box that we hold our view of Kharma in. The roads of life as twisted and complex, and often times it takes a very particular lens to be able to see the good things that come our way as what they truly are. Though once you can let go of your preconceived notions of what is good in the world, a much larger, beautiful pictures come into view.

When you consider letting yourself have 'No Expectations' for the world around you, it sounds very depressing, a defeatist attitude almost. It feels good to be able to trust people, to be able to know that some how, some way, things will come together for you because there is some one or some thing looking out for you. If you truly consider this though, what do you actually expect of anyone or anything? We know that the natural world is completely out of our control, so it is easier to accept that it will just run it's course. If the skies want to rain, they are going to rain, and there is nothing you can do about it. It's not always so easy with people. We know that people can control their actions, and often times feel as though people do things purely out of spite, coming to that judgement without even truly looking at a situation. We expect people to behave a certain way because of our own perception of how one should act. The problem lies in the fact that our perception of how a life should be lived in not universal, and it is important to remember that.

When I would go to her house, there were post-it notes placed all over bearing that same message again and again. You would find them in many different places, where the message had a slightly different meaning each time, but always holding the same concept at it's core. The post-its on the fridge and over the sink were there to remind her that if someone ate her food, or put off doing the dishes: We are all human, and sometimes do things without thinking or realizing that they are going to bother someone else. She left notes on the wall of her room, and the front door to remind her that the world in it's grand mystery always has a way of surprising you, and that you need to be able to accept those surprises however they choose to show themselves.

Now this sounds like a very passive approach at life, but that is because this only works when dealing with people who you have accepted as kind souls and truly care about. When you truly care about someone- when you Love someone- you want nothing more than for them to exist as a true form of themselves. The only thing you can expect of that person is that they will do whatever they need to do in order to be the best version of themselves as they can possibly be. It's not always easy, but it's the truth. If you claim to Love someone because they live up to your expectations of who you think they should be, you don't truly Love that person, you are merely being made comfortable by the fact that you have the ability to control.

The trick is finding those people who deserve that level of complete open trust on the soul level. You need to be able to identify if you are dealing without someone who truly exists as a person who if left with complete freedom will chose to live their life in a way that pushes them towards the best version of themselves. Being able to find those people always takes an approach of 'No Expectations'. The good thing is that you will just know when you find one of those people. It will speak to you from inside, and from that point you just get to enjoy the ride and watch the person develop in front of you.

The magic that can occur when you are capable of existing alongside another person with 'No Expectations' is tremendous. When you can let go of that childish sorrow of not being in control, you will be amazed by what happens on it's own. Part of this whole concept is that when you get so stuck on this idea of know exactly what you want, and exactly how things should play out, you are completely incapable of being able to experience the surprises of life in the moment. It's nearly impossible to be let down, and much easier for event he most simple of things to impress you. You can still have hope, still have desires, but let them live as loose concepts instead of rigid specifics. You can allow yourself to be engulfed into the experiences of life instead of mentally sitting on the sidelines as a judge who decides if what is happening is good enough or not. Let everything be good enough, because it's pure and true.

Sadly, even when you do find people who are truly burning souls, we are all still human. You can't expect someone to be perfect, and you can't let someones failures scar you so badly that you do not recover. You also can't expect that someone else's path will always remain linked in with yours. We are all on a journey of growth and discovery, and there are points where the roads need to branch away. It's sad yes, but no reason to be upset. If two people's paths start to drift apart, it's no one fault. The only way to 'fix' the situation would be for someone to change themselves and try to force themselves into a false version of themselves. True, beautiful relationships occur when you completely shinning souls can link up and share those moments, and you owe it yourself to have those connections in your life, not to just settle for something simply because it works.

You find those relationships, be it friends, family, lovers, you find those relationships by going into the world with no expectations, being yourself and seeing where the wind takes you. I can promise, for as chaotic as the world may seem, it always seems to guide you to the right place at some point. Just be sure to let it guide you, and don't try so hard to bend it into the version of the world you expect it to be, that you get completely lost.